This weekend I had the amazing opportunity to work with The Power Team Inc. We had Todd Keene (the President), Jamie Morrison (Vice President), Matt Dopson (Timber/ Team leader), Tiffany Shields (Saber), and Michael Turner (Sgt. Rock). I got to spend the most time with Tiffany and Michael. I spent every day working with Michael, and 3 days working with Tiffany. One of the things I enjoy the most is being around people that share the same passions that I have. They are passionate to  do ministry, and reach the students of the world. They get to go into the public schools and bring a message of encouragement to be dream makers and not dream breakers. From K-12 they effectively minister to the needs these kids have.

I learned a few great things in discussion. Michael asked me what the greatest thing I’ve learned in the ministries that I’ve worked with. I told him “to be flexible.” We talked about it for a bit. Came up with a new beatitude- Blessed are the flexible- for they will bend and never break. He asked me what else I learned. ” You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to make an event happen.” We talked about how people are unprepared- and you can give them everything that needs to be done, but there are still places that you need to be willing to step in and fill to make the event happen. That was the role I got to play this weekend.  I jumped in wherever I was needed. Thursday I ran the music at the schools, was an ear for some to vent to, prayed for needs that were being kept secret until after the event, was an altar worker. Friday I got the water, carried the supplies, picked up and dropped off the team at night, was a greeter, loaded my car with supplies, and was an altar worker. Saturday I set up sound (because I knew more than the other which wasn’t much), tore down, dropped the system at the church, spent lunch with the team, picked them up, guarded the door until we opened them, stuck with my family that came, then helped close up. Sunday was helping in kids church, (got a bit of a break for the afternoon) then I had to pick up the church, fix one of their costume pieces, chased children around while their parents were busy working, was an altar worker, and had to say goodbye at the end. I love doing all these things. I go where I am needed to go. No day was the same. But all of those are little things that anyone can do. But as we were saying goodbye, Michael hugged me and said “you’re going to do great things. You will be a great minister to the youth of this nation. You’ll make a difference in students lives.” When someone sees that in you from 4 days- it means the world.

I left crying that night. Crying for the things that God wanted to do. Crying because I wanted more time with these awesome people.  Jamie and Tiffany also were encouraging. They were genuinely thankful for the time I put in, though I wanted to put in more (two 15 hour days and two 13 hour days apparently aren’t enough to me?). They told me to keep pressing forward in everything. They reignited my passion… Or poured fuel on what was already burning. I’m encouraged, filled, and ready to go out and do what God wants me to do this summer. He’s apparently gonna use me to do great things.

So what are you going to do? What are you going to take hold of and run with- with God running right along with you? What are you going to stand up for and make a difference in? What can you do to be flexible and do whatever needs to be done?

I realized the only point in my life where I really had that was with Crew. Our leadership team was solid. I could be open and vulnerable with them. I got to spend time with them twice a week. They were my family. But once we lost Crew, we lost our bond as a group. I still trust them, I’d still be open and vulnerable with them (I still am with some), but it isn’t a regular basis.

I remember my “core” group in high school at church… they always forgot to invite me to hang out. They were always spending time together, and telling me when they saw me at church. They had parties I wasn’t invited to, they’d go on adventures I wasn’t invited to, they’d do road trips that I was not invited to.

Why don’t I have a core group?I just want to know where I belong. Or maybe I’m not meant to have this core group.. Or maybe I want to be on the road so I don’t have to be left out of a core group…

Maybe I’m overreacting to things… But I can’t keep taking these things. I try so much to do what is right, but what does it matter. It does no good anyway. I try to set up events, events that mean the world to me, only to have them cancelled. They don’t know how much I needed that time. How much I needed family. My family is so far away. And I don’t get to spend easter with them. Because I don’t have the money to go home.  I don’t even have enough money to go to church. I don’t have enough money. I don’t matter enough for things to happen and work out. Nothing is going right. Even the 5.63 miles I ran and walked today isn’t enough to de-stress me.

And the quiet alone time with God. I just feel too broken and useless to be there. I just want to run away. Run far away. But I’ll be alone there too.

Thats part of why I’ve been distant. I’m just trying to find my place… it’ll happen

I can pull together a message from the typical passage, but I usually find the stuff that isn’t normally focused on. Like tonight I’m talking about Jonah- but only briefly mentioning Him being swallowed by a fish. Or when I talk about Peter and Jesus walking on water- I emphasize the fact that Peter was able to walk on water- though he got distracted and began to sink, he still walked on water too!

Once I’m on stage- I’m not so nervous. I love to share with people the things that God is teaching me and sharing with me. I love to love people with the love that God has for me.

I have a story to share. I never realized how powerful my testimony was. I mean, its just little ol’ me’s story. I’m nothing special. I’m not important. But God chose to do amazing things in my life that turned it all around. He chose to put me in places where I have shared parts of my story with hundreds of people. I’ve impacted many lives with just a glimpse of my testimony. All i ever wanted was to make a difference in one persons life. God has already exceeded that! And as I share parts of my story, and look deeper, there are more parts to my story that I hid, that I let be covered up by things that took more importance. But the little things emphasize even greater points at times.

But I lack confidence in all of this. After all, I am still little ol’ me. I still don’t feel like I’m someone special, I don’t think that I’m that important. But tonight, I’m being given yet another opportunity to share what God has been sharing in my life. And as I prepare for this moment. I am overwhelmed by the fact that He has to have some confidence in me to be able to do it that he would even let this opportunity cross my path. So why can’t I have confidence in the message and story that He is bringing to me to bring to Refuge Youth Ministries tonight?

Okay- back to my message! Ready for God to bring His power tonight!

Jay is an amazing guy. He has such a passion for students and wants to excel in all that he does. He’s funny and he makes life a bit more interesting.

He took the role of hero in my life, and he fills it well. I am glad to be able to call him my hero.

I cannot wait to see what God does in his life and the places he gets to go. Jay is going to be a hero to a lot of people. I think that he will fill that role well in every case.

It all started when we randomly ended up going to WYC together. A super fun weekend and wonderful drive home where we talked and dreamed. I love people that I can dream with.

Slowly but surely we grew closer together to the point where we are besties.

I love when he sings- always have. That weekend at WYC he wouldn’t sing… Now, I don’t think I could get him to stop if I wanted to. I don’t want him to stop. Joy flows from him when he sings. He smiles the biggest when he sings too.

I think my favorite part of him being my bestie though, is the fact that even in the worst of times, he brings joy. When things suck like no other, there is something fun to do to get away from the pain. Because of him, I’ve learned that pain does not need to have any control in life. He’s kept me smiling in moment where I felt like I may never smile again. He’s shown me that God is bigger than my problems. There often is nothing you can do to change your situation, so make the best out of the opportunity you have. He always gets me to smile when I’m down.

My bestie inspires me to be the best that I can be. TO pursue what God is calling me to do. He encourages me to go beyond myself and what I think I am capable of, but to be stretched to the edge of what I am capable of.

I love our jello dates… or pudding… or peanut butter. I love the time that he put toys in our jello. Adventures. Dancing in the living room. Ikea date. Going to the mall. McDonalds run. UFFA.

He’s helped me to discover that I can be loved for who I am and that I don’t need to change. That other guys that made me feel like I had to change were just plain stupid.

He is honest and raw.

I think the thing I am looking forward to the most though, is seeing the adventure God takes him on. God has amazing plans for my bestie. I know he’s gonna change the world. I can’t wait to see how.

Love you Bestie!